


No They Don't

by sunshineflying



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 10:43:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1263355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam and Louis have a complicated relationship. Louis makes a big change in their time off, and Liam just tries to pick up the pieces after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No They Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little ficlet that was taking up space in my mind. Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

It’s one of those things they never really think about.

Falling into something the way Louis and Liam did was unpredictable at best, and irrational like Louis prefers. They were reckless when it began, all tongues and touches in back corridors of concert venues. A compromising photo snapped by paparazzi when a back door was opened was all it took for management to crack down on them, to tell them what they had wasn’t okay, wasn’t allowed in their line of work.

They hid it better after that.

Louis was never quite the same though, his mood swinging from wonderful to terrible like a pendulum over a rocky sea, the turbulence of their lives throwing him all over the place, through such a range of emotions he could hardly handle it. Liam was his anchor, trying to hold him strong, and so far he’d succeeded. “It’s bullshit!” Louis would always exclaim.

Liam never had an answer. He knew Louis was right because it was absolutely _bullshit_ that they couldn’t just be themselves, to make this thing they shared public.

Liam also knew that what they had was indescribable, and that was a large part of the problem.

Louis still had Eleanor, which was problem number one, but he rarely saw her so the sex made sense. Liam gave Louis what Louis couldn’t get from Eleanor about ninety percent of the time, and that was a large part of their attachment. But then it became Eleanor in the daytime and Liam at nighttime and Liam knew that Louis had to reign it in. This back and forth and cheating and lying wasn’t good for him.

Louis was already seconds away from cracking under the pressure.

Stardom wasn’t at all like Louis had hoped or imagined. His nineteen-year-old self wouldn’t have cared that this was how his life had turned out, all the restrictions and contracts and legalese that kept him tied down to a certain way of behaving. But his twenty-two-year-old self loathed the child he’d once been, that naïve bright-eyed optimistic dreamer that got him where he is today.

Louis didn’t want the fame, but now he could never escape it.

Eleanor was with him because of fame. Girls wanted to talk to him because of the fame and sometimes even guys wanted to be him. But that was just it: _it was all because of the fame._

Louis hated that word, and Liam was the only person who made him feel like fame wasn’t what made Louis who he was. The other lads were great and supportive but Liam had that air about him, that air that said _I loved you before we were famous, and I’ll love you during and after_. Louis didn’t feel that, at least not as strongly, with the other lads. After One Direction, he wouldn’t see them as often as he did, but Liam – in every image of his future, his life after this sodded fame died down – Liam was there.

Liam had noticed that the frequency with which Louis cried himself to sleep had increased. It used to happen once a week or so, the stress too much for him at times, but now it was almost nightly.

Liam knew Louis needed help.

He consulted his mother and sisters, but they all told Liam the same thing: it’s how he handles stress. But Liam knew Louis better than they did, and he knew that handling stress wasn’t the same as what Louis was dealing with now. Louis was struggling with something deeper that Liam still couldn’t comprehend.

They went on break for a few weeks between touring and promoting their next CD, and Liam asked Louis if he could see him over that break. Their late-night fucks evolved into something more, something they still didn’t label, but Liam knew enough to realize it was a relationship. They kissed, they held each other, and Liam’s clothing had taken in more of Louis’s tears than anything else in the world, he was sure of it.

Louis said sure, that he could come visit Liam right at the very end of their time off… that left four full weeks in which Liam wouldn’t see Louis. Nothing could go wrong in that time, right? Louis had said he was staying with his mum and sisters, after all.

He thought nothing of their time apart until he greeted Louis at his front door after those four long weeks of nothing exchanged but text messages and a few phone calls, and his smile dropped as soon as he saw him.

Louis didn’t look the same.

His eyes were sunken and he was constantly frowning, just as before, but there was something different, something more to Louis’s face that Liam didn’t place right away.

Liam let Louis into his flat and gave him a big hug, and when he leaned in for a kiss, that’s when he realized it:

“Did you get a nose job?”

Liam blurted it out without thinking, but the flash of fear in Louis’s eyes and the way he looked away quickly gave Liam the answer. His jaw dropped and he stared at his best friend – lover? boyfriend? – and tried to figure out what was going on. “Wh-why? Louis, what were you thinking? You’re…” Liam trailed off.

Louis _was_ perfect. And he still was on the inside, but now that Liam knew, he’d never be able to look at Louis without thinking _he didn’t look like that when I fell in love with him._ Louis turned towards the door and his hand was on the doorknob; he was ready to avoid the confrontation, it seemed.

“No,” Liam said, pushing Louis’s hand away from the doorknob. “Come with me.”

He took Louis’s hand and led him to the couch. Louis would have protested, but he was too broken. This pressure had weighed down on him for so long, it had stamped out his will to fight or resist anything. Louis just went with the flow and adapted. He was quiet, subdued even, and he avoided Liam’s eyes vehemently.

“Louis, why did you do it? I just want to know. I want to understand,” Liam said, his tone soft and pleading.

Louis sighed. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I needed it.”

“You didn’t need it,” Liam insisted automatically, his response almost cutting off Louis’s words in urgency. “Lou… you should never change yourself. People love you for who you are.”

“No they don’t!” Louis shouted. He let out a deep breath and tried to calm down, but the tension was still strung over every word he spoke. “They don’t, because they don’t know who I am. I have to be somebody I’m not just to be accepted in this fucking world! I hate everything about my life right now except for _you_ and I don’t know how to handle that. I’m… I’m just not…” Louis trailed off, at a loss for words as he fumbled his fingers in his lap and tried to block back those tears that Liam heard in his voice.

Liam felt guilty. He hadn’t realized that being in One Direction hurt Louis so much. They had to hide, sure, but Liam had never considered just how much Louis had to hide. Louis had to pretend to be an entirely different person because the happy-go-lucky, flirtatious, and often flamboyant Louis Tomlinson that Liam knew from the X Factor had to be stamped out when they signed their record deal. Their image had to fit what other people said, and Louis’s change had been the most dramatic.

It was old hat for Liam to pull Louis against his chest and to hold him close, his arms wrapped tightly around Louis to try to shield him from the rest of the world, if only for a few moments. “You’re right. People don’t know the real you, and I’m sorry for that. I’m so sorry, Lou,” Liam whispered into Louis’s hair, the exchange of words kept just between the two of them there in the dim lights of his living room. “But Louis… _I_ know the real you, head to toe, and you never have to change, okay? Ever.”

“I can’t undo what I did,” Louis said sadly.

Liam rubbed Louis’s back. The change wasn’t too drastic, but it was obvious. His nose was slender. The lines from forehead to the tip of his nose were flat, no bumps or marks, just smooth skin and a much narrower nose. The media would have a heyday and Louis would have to deal with even more flack from everyone, including management.

“I know you can’t,” Liam whispered. He kissed the top of Louis’s head and said, “I’ll take care of you.”

“I’m not a charity project,” Louis protested, but the vindication in his voice was absent. Liam suspected Louis said that just because he felt he _had_ to, not because he meant it.

Liam shook his head and replied gently, “I know you’re not. You never have been. Lou… I’m in this with you, for you. I’m mad about you. I know people think it’s wrong but _I don’t_. I want you, exactly as you are and how you’ll be forever.” Louis didn’t speak, but Liam knew he heard and understood what he was saying. “I love you,” he whispered into Louis’s hair, his lips brushing at the hairline near his forehead, kissing Louis gently and enveloping him in his embrace. “I love you, and I’ll make sure you’re always okay.”

Louis’s gentle sobs filled the silence as Liam carried him down the hallway and into the bedroom. Liam didn’t know how Louis felt about this or what came next, but it didn’t matter because Louis needed him to be that protector for him, and that’s the role he’d fill for now.

Liam offered Louis some pajamas and Louis changed slowly, and he crawled into bed still filled with that expression of shame. Liam changed and climbed into bed along with him, and he patted his back as he brought him closer, back into his embrace again. “I still think you’re beautiful,” Liam whispered. “It was a little change. It’s something I can get used to.”

As the night wore on, Louis’s sobs slowed, and it was four hours after Louis’s arrival in Liam’s flat when he spoke again. His voice was hoarse and thin, and Liam could still hear the emotion and the tears as Louis said those simple words that told Liam every single ounce of energy and time he’d put into this was worth it.

“I love you too, Liam.”


End file.
